Powerlessness, it is something people tend not to talk about. We are powerless over most of the things in our lives, even about our own selves. Things that matter entirely. So with fear, uncertainty and doubt, we tend to ignore our powerlessness, to the point of no longer considering it whatsoever. Or at least this is what I’ve done, often and for long periods of my life.
And why wouldn’t I? I am powerless over being here in the first place. I am powerless over my eventual, and utterly normal demise. I am powerless over the nature of things, I am powerless over my very own natures. I am powerless over these things for myself, and all parts of my life. These are things that matter, life and death, health and suffering, satisfaction and want. My life is full of what I want, and will never have nor be. Why wouldn’t I ignore that? Why? Because ignoring my powerlessness doesn’t remove my powerlessness. Reality itself is what works. Recognizing my powerlessness means I will quit trying to do what I cannot, and feeling bad about it, and start doing what I need to do, given that I need help with most of the things in my life—much to the disapproval of my ego. Powerlessness is one of the perfections of reality, though many do not see reality that way.
Given all that I am powerless over, how then, am I able to even survive the moment, let alone thrive in “such a life” as this? Faith, gratitude, and my childish excitement in even being here. That’s how. Cause these are parts of reality’s perfection too. I am glad I have less to do in my life, most of it provided for me by the providence of God. (Whoever and whatever God happens to be. I certainly do not know, nor do I have too.) Why am I glad about this? Cause were I empowered to control all these things that I cannot control, I would also be required to do so. This would leave no time for living. Fortunately, those are not my responsibilities, so I no longer worry about them. I embrace the few things in my life that I do have some power over. My choices of value. My choices of occupation. My choices of culture. My choices of civility and service. These and the rest of my choices, entail learning, iterative improvement, art and mastery. And in this experience and understanding of life, I thrive in the serene sentiment that I am doing the best I can do, no matter what else happens. Yes, even on how I respond to my instinctive reactions (spontaneous emotions, emotional reflexes), I have choices, and the more difficult the circumstances, the more important it is that I keep my wits, accepting my emotions as the God given instincts that they are while not mistaking them for the most effective cue for response.
I’ve recently gotten feedback from someone, regarding the idea that “how we respond to things is a choice.” They were of the opinion that the only time you do not viscerally respond to things, is when you do not care about those things. The implication being that unless you do have a visceral reaction you do not care, and your care is shown by how strongly you react. Reacting rather than responding.
This person was at the time, pretty upset about stuff, that stuff being properly upsetting, and rather than press the point, I decided to consider this opinion. And I did. What I came to realize is that because we are utterly powerless over most things in life, that powerlessness is the basis of not reacting badly to things. Responding well is the most effective and caring “reaction” you can have. That is very different from not caring at all. Responding rather than reacting, is the most caring thing you can do, if you can learn to do that. And you can learn to do that, though you have to want to learn this, and keep at it always. Like faith, you’ll learn to trust it each time you practice it. Growing in spiritual experience.
This is a very powerful understanding, paradoxically.
It is my experience and understanding, that in order to best deal with a difficulty (or anything at all), you need to be as sensible and clear-headed as possible, which precludes loosing it. Once my emotions are wrecked, well, for me, that is little different from being full on drunk or high. If I loose it, I am not well suited to dealing with the situation. So rather than “show” how much I care by loosing it, I care enough to keep my head, my ability, to deal with the situation. And that is much easier to do when I recognize my powerlessness over the situation, entirely or in part—as I am not God.
A question is begged: Why do I assume that a circumstance is a “thing” that I am powerless over?
Because if it is something I can fix, then I fix it. Things that I can readily do something about don’t upset me so much as the “big” things, in which I am truly powerless. A job, a relationship, an experiment, my next masterpiece meal, I’ve been disappointed by all of these, but learn from the experience, and do better next time. These things are things I’ve chosen to do. These things are the smaller parts of my daily life. The rest is beyond my control. And, I am still unable to prevent stuff from “breaking” anyway. Bad things happen all the time, and it is normal.
We are so powerless that we do not recognize it, and when we do, we’d rather believe otherwise, for reasons stated above. This sets up crazy expectations, which in turn, establish a sense of entitlement. At this point, it really is bad times all around.
Recognizing powerlessness, I am delighted by all the God things I used to worry about, but have since turned over to God, cause God has them anyway. The economy of the environment, the perseverance of the universe, that water is wet, the sun is warm, and sleep is refreshing. I no longer blame God for the bad choices of myself or others. I no longer worry about anything except for what I’m doing, how well I’m doing it, and why. Yep, recognizing powerlessness is in fact, very empowering. And what I cannot do for myself, I look for help from someone who can—also my choice.
There are many things in my life that I really do need, and cannot do for myself. I choose to ask for the help of others who can provide these things for me, in exchange for things I can do for them, that they in turn, cannot do for themselves. Markets are a perfection of reality.
I still find myself ready to go to war based on my reactions. I’m not suggesting that we do not have strong feelings about provocative things. Of course we do, and of course we should. Those are biological cues, and they put us onto an instinctive course of action. Yet we still have a choice about how we respond to these emotions. My habit these days is to substantively access the situation, and muster a sense of the best thing, that I can actually do, in response to the provocation. Yeah, I have a reaction. I deal with it as a response. I choose. This keeps me in control of the small parts of life that I am not entirely powerless over. After all, God gave me free will.
So that’s pretty much it regarding powerlessness. Most of the things in my life are out of my control. I accept them as they are. My response to things are mostly within my control, and the effectiveness of my response depends on my clarity of mind and soul. I do not set expectations. I am not entitled to anything. Like I said, for those things I need, but cannot do for myself, I find someone who can. I ask for help and am grateful in getting it.
Powerlessness is not a scary thing, nor is it a choice. We are powerless over just about everything in life, except for what we choose to do. Recognizing your own powerlessness, recognize too, your own place in life. You choose what is valuable to you. You choose what you want. You choose what you are willing to do to get what you want.
You choose competence, or incompetence. Take my advice and choose competence. Competence is better than incompetence, or at least that’s been my experience. Letting go of what you cannot do, and putting your abilities into what you can do, life is good. And always, ask for help when you need it. The paradox here is that were we all powerful, we’d have no time for living. Our powerlessness frees us from those God things, frees us to live the life we choose to live, as best we are going to live it. That is God’s gift of life to us. For that I am confident, grateful and childishly excited.
David Weeks, Information Developer, Tampa, Florida.